Why do we only trust what’s in the books?
I keep on counting the number of common sense books that sell like biscuits and I always wonder why. Why do we prefer to choose what’s a best seller than actually trust ourselves? I’ve read some of those books and they are indeed easy reading (and reading is always good), but normally I always end with the same result: “I know this”. I always have the feeling that it’s actually common sense, specially in terms of the motivational books:
“Number one rule, trust yourself.” – Do I need to read a book to actually start believing myself? We should always trust ourselves, and we should trust our intuition as well. We know what we want, we know what hurts us, what makes us smile and normally we have the answer deep inside our hearts. So why? Why do we never stop to listen? Why do we always think we might not know? Why do we have to feel so insecure?
The other day we had a session where the guy said something like this: Typically the adults loose the child open mind they use to have. Children are not afraid of actually saying the truth, they don’t care if the other people will accept it or not, they just say it and do it. So why don’t we? What’s that moment in time we stop believing? Is that what’s being an adult means?
I’ve learn to trust myself, to take a deep breath and go forward, maybe because I’m not that scared any more about falling down or failing. If I fall I can always rise up, if I say something stupid I’m just being human… we all do! Why do we never think that maybe the other people around us feel the same way we do? Maybe they are also afraid and insecure. We all make mistakes, but the best part is we can learn with them to try to avoid them in the future. And don’t be afraid to say what you think, just say it! The secret lies in the way we say it and in the way we adapt it to the people that is listening: if we can adapt our speech if we are talking to a children or to an adult, why not do the same to different personalities?
I know, it’s so much easier to speak than actually do it. I always get nervous if I have something important to say, but if I have to say it I need to do it, once it’s done it’s a relief!
Other common cliché: “you have to listen“, oh really? Sometimes we want so much to be listen that we stop doing it. It’s important to listen to everything, from the actual words to the body language, to the look and to so many other non verbal language.
But my favourite is: “learn to understand“. For me this is something that only few people actually do, to try to understand what the others may feel about a certain situation. It’s so much easier to actually get closed in the Me Me Me!!! Only what I feel is important, only what I believe is important as well.
Oh well, wrong! We live in a society and we need relationships, so actually is quite important to stop and try to actually understand the context of the situation and what you would feel if you were in the same situation and adapt what you have to say to that and avoid wrong judgements. Never judge anything without actually trying to understand first. This for me is such a golden rule for everything, from business to personal life as well.
How many divorces would be ended if people started to listen and trying to understand why?
Seriously, do you need a book to tell you what you already know? Learn to trust yourself and most of all, learn to walk in my shoes.