Empty room

I just found a post from another blog that I’ve maintained for a few months:

Ok, maybe today I will go a little bit faster on time, but mainly after arriving to London and starting work, I met a few colleagues, but just right afterwards I was assigned to come to Paris.
I was here last week, from Monday to Friday and now I’m back.
So there are a few thoughts I would like to share.
Have you ever felt lonely?
Probably you did. But I’m talking about that feeling of being completely alone, in a hotel room, with no emotional connection to you? You look around it, and there’s nothing you recognize as your own.
And you enter it and you feel the whole notion of emptiness… you start feeling quite lonely and imagine who should you speak to. I always think that if I feel sick or something no one will notice, no one is there to help you out. You are just one of many clients they have, you’re a number… not an individual, and neither less a person with feelings and emotional needs.
I’m starting missing home… actually from the moment I know I’ll be away I almost cry with that missing feeling (ahhh saudade saudade, our Portuguese word). But it’s in the exact moment when you open the room’s door you really feel it, striking your bones: you’re lonely in an empty room.
And then you start counting the days you still have to be there. If your departure was a saddest moment for you, leaving all this behind is a moment full of joy. You arrive home so happy you start valuing everything you have at you, everything that links your house to yourself.
Nothing is better than home and I miss mine.
I didn’t know, how could I? This post is actually 1 year old, and 1 year later I think that I know spend more time in hotels than in my own place. But the feeling is still there, the emptiness. I doubt this would improve much if, let’s say, if I had an apartment here, because my heart will always be at home.

In the end it’s all a matter of priorities, and I’m so attached to home (meaning the place where my heart is), that every time that I think about it, everything else values less than before. Yes I do want to have a career but without sacrificing what’s most important for me. My family. 


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