There was a time when

Something I wrote in 2012 and just found…

As I watch the sun setting behind the mountains I can not stop wondering, leaving my mind flow by the whispers in the wind. In this amazing landscape that surrounds me, the reflections on the lake, all the green surroundings where it’s so easy to imagine I’ve just discovered paradise on earth I can’t avoid this feeling that something is missing. My heart feels unsettled… the truth is for how perfect this view can be, if I look inside myself it’s far from being perfect and I wish I could be someone else. How could I let all my life flow away from my fingers? When was the point I got seriously lost? All this keep on going with the flow, letting myself mingle with the rest of the crowd and getting lost. Let’s face it, in this gorgeous place I’m absolutely lonely, and it’s not because it’s quiet and peaceful, I’m serious lonely. Have no one by my side that would actually miss me, have no friends I can call. All I have is this imagine of a business lady, always working and so confident on herself. But where did all that confidence led me?
I still remember the days I used to dream, the days where only feelings used to matter, when the beat of my heart would be the only sound I would follow. I could blame it on the disappointments I had through life, but is this reason enough? Did my soul got stuck someplace else, in the paper compartment?
ahh the sunlight on my face, it feels terrific, so easy to close my eyes and let myself go… like floating in the air, like leaving all this shelf of mine, pursuing something with a meaning. I just wish I could do that. I wish I could leave everything behind and start everything from the scratch. Actually I can, so why don’t I?

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